My Own Dreams Of My Father

My father has always had a voice that could travel right through the thickest of walls. That low tone could slip through the cracks in those old wood floors no matter how gently he was speaking. Even a groan or sigh as he woke up in the morning would carry right up the stairs and through the door to where I slept. It was one of those timeless things in my memory that no matter how old I get I will never forget. That feeling of waking up and knowing that my dad was still there.

See, the father I grew up wasn't the one I was born with. My biological father, as we learned to refer to him as, discarded me like he did with most everything and anyone. That was a wound that took years to heal. See, the father I grew up with was the one that I heard when I woke up in the morning, the man I heard when I fell asleep at night.

I remember rolling over in bed in the morning and hearing the most beautiful thing in the world. It wasn't the birds outside or the sounds of the world beginning to wake up alongside me. The most beautiful thing I could ever hear was the sound of my father as he woke up the world, my world. Because every morning I would roll over and hear him as he got up and did the most wonderful thing a father could do...

My mornings began with listening in on my father's prayers. I would listen to him pray for everyone in the world it seemed. Yet I was only awake for one reason. It wasn't the fact that his voice was so strong that I could imagine it rattling the windows and shaking the floor itself. No, I was waiting. I was waiting to hear my father's voice as he prayed over me.

There was such a passion in his voice. I could hear his soul in those words as he prayed over me with the start of every morning. I could feel his love through the sound of his voice. And for a boy who had experienced the rejection of a person who was supposed to love me no matter what; that was heaven on earth. It was in those moments I knew I had a father. I knew that my father was praying for me to my Abba... my G-d.

Now that I'm grown and on my own I still roll over in the morning and dream of hearing my father lifting me up in his prayers. The sound of my father's voice still wakes me up. No matter how far away, no matter where I have gone or where I'm going, my father's prayers still echo in my ears. That love, the love that healed my childhood wounds, it still lives in my heart to this very day.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 22:6

My father may not have known that I was listening to those words in the early morning hours. He may have not known that in his devotion he was showing me how I should live. His compassion, his empathy, his love for others; all of these things he was sowing in my heart and soul. His faith was being passed along. And though both of us have had our battles to hold onto our faith, the resolve that he was showing in those moments of dedication was passed down along with his words. 

In the smallest of moments, in the times when we think we are alone, we are often affecting the lives of others in ways we will never know. My father's morning prayers were those small moments that turned into most momentous of times in my life. And though they were done in the hours just before the light of day, those prayers ushered out the darkness of night in my young life. Those words set me on the path that has carried me to this day. 

In Proverbs G-d shows us that we are to train up our children in H-s way. This means that even in those times when we don't think we are being watched, listened to, or looked up at... we are meant to take these small and fleeting moments to continue that training. It is in these moments that we can either be a hindrance or a blessing. And no matter which one we choose the results will be without measure. The affect we have on the future is after all recorded by the lives our children and their children carry forth long after we ourselves are long gone.

Surrounded By Hyenas

"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the J-hovah El-him He it is that does go with you; He will not fail you, nor forsake you."

~ Deuteronomy 31:6

As believers in G-d we often picture ourselves as coming under attack when we meet resistance in our walk with the L-rd. We accredit this challenge to our faith to an enemy that is relentless in its attempts to lay siege to us personally. And though there might be some truth to this natural reaction there may also be more to the battles we face than we first realize. 

If we are truly living as G-d commands us to there will certainly be obstacles to overcome in our own lives. Habits that we form and the ways we might desire to conduct ourselves may be contradictory to the habits and lifestyle G-d's commandments lay out for us. Yet rarely do we consider this a part of some exterior force attempting to bombard us. It is mainly when we step outside our own walk with the L-rd that the enemy appears to attack. 

And that is where our liberation from sin begins to threaten the captivity of others. Once we begin to grow beyond our own personal relationship with G-d and begin to influence others (either directly or indirectly) we step out onto a field of battle. Most of the time, we do so without really knowing that we are. 

The enemy has laid claim to the very ground upon which we stand. Even more importantly it has claimed the lives of all that walk upon the earth for its own devious intentions. Just as it has been made miserable it too intends to inflict the same wretched bareness upon the ground and all living upon it. By doing so the enemy seeks to destroy the souls of its victims through the current captivity and eventually the eternal separation of that soul from G-d.

When the followers of G-d step out onto this territory they become invaders. Those who intentionally decide to stay become occupiers. And those who move further out into the enemies territory become conquerors. All of which must be dealt with. Their advance must be stopped and the occupation must be ended. For this is an enemy that can not and will not give an inch let alone bear to loose a captive soul. 

During the adolescence of a male lion the young male reaches a point where it must move on. The desire to claim new territory is inherit in the young lion. But most of all, the young male needs a pride... he needs an army of souls. 

There are only two ways a young lion can achieve the goal of forming a pride. He can either challenge and kill an existing male lion who has his own pride. Or he can set out and find a start a new one of his own. 

The second way of forming a pride is hard. A lion without a pride is doomed to starvation or at best a life on the brink of it. Hyenas and jackals rarely challenge a pride of lions openly and aggressively. Yet a lone lion is fair game even for the lowest of predators. The lone lion can't defend itself effectively. He is simply a loose end that nature finds a way to finish off. 

And yet G-d calls his followers to set out into the enemy's territory and form one pride after another. At times he even calls upon us to do so even when we feel like lone lions. Yet even as it appears the odds are stacked against us and the enemy is closing in from every angle, G-d prepares the field and snatches us from the jaws of defeat only to hand us the victory. 

These are the times when we shouldn't look at ourselves as the victims of siege but rather the aggressors routing the defenders and claiming new ground. For even when we least expect it, when we think that nobody is looking, we are often liberating the lives of fellow captives. By living as G-d has directed us to, we can set others free from the suffering to which we too were once bound. 

"The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them has the light shined."

~ Isaiah 9:2

Broken Arrow

"The J-hovah shall cause your enemies that rise up against you to be smitten before your face; they shall come out against you one way, and flee before you seven ways."

~ Deuteronomy 28:7

The Blessing of Obedience

I was once told by a very close friend that I'm a lot like a dog on a short leash, just tugging at the slack waiting for the M-ster to release H-s grip. At first that sounded rather nice. But the more I thought about it... well that was when the truth of the matter came to the surface. 

A hunting dog is eager to please the hunter. It wants more than anything to be able to let out that howl that signals his master to the object of his owner's fixation. Yet in this sense of duty there comes a time when even the best dog trees the wrong prey or corners an animal bigger and meaner than he alone can hold. While the dog wants to be obedient, even the best intentions can lead the dog astray. 

That is why I had to take a moment and think about what it really meant to be that hound tugging and jerking at my leash. Sure it was nice to think of myself as all those things that seem masculine and powerful... tenacity, bravery, fierce, bold, dedicated... It was another thing to have to think of myself as the less pleasant aspects of being that same animal... immature, over eager, rebellious, and at times... disobedient.

Once the dog's leash is dropped the hound takes up the hunt. Like a lightning bolt, the dog springs forth with his nose to the air and his muscles fueled by anticipation. That is what it often feels like when we set out to fulfill the commandments our G-d has laid out of us. We are so eager to fulfill our task... our mission... our job. 

Whenever and wherever the faithful set out to take to the field so as to please their master another beast rises up to meet them. The enemy of our G-d claims the soil, the land, and all that dwells upon it. It is only natural to them that they should defend it, and defend it mercilessly. But when we set out like the hound to the hunt we are often not even thinking about this. Instead we take off almost blind to the reality of what we are doing. We don't see the battle, we don't think about the war... we just want to complete our task.

In the field we meet them. Upon the field we are engaged in ways that we never expect. We are turned from the hounds of the hunt to the dogs of war. And in an instant we find ourselves surrounded. For the faithful this is a reality that is often overlooked by the young, the immature, the bold and brazen followers of a faith they have not yet fully come to understand. 

It is in this moment that we make decisions that will either win or lose the day. It is in the first moments of battle that we either decide to take up the role of conquers or simply hold the line. Once this moment has passed we can no longer decide to disengage or break off the chase. Once we have taken to the field there is no retreat. 

One decision seems to prevail more often than not. This is the decision to muscle our way through the fight. We take up our own shields and rely upon our own muscle. We don't realize that the enemy is a liar and hides from us the reality of what we are up against. When we advance upon our own might we are lured into a fight we alone can not win. By digging our own foxholes we often dig our own graves. 

We were never meant to fight alone. This decision is disobedient. It is a decision to chase after a scent that we were not sent out after. It is the lure that leads us astray. It is the best defense the enemy has.

"The J-hovah shall cause you to be smitten before your enemies; you shall go out one way against them, and flee seven ways before them; and shall be removed into all the kingdoms of the earth."

~ Deuteronomy 28:25

The Results of Disobedience 

Cut off, surrounded... 

In the Torah we are reminded that we do not fight against flesh and blood. We are told that we fight against the spirit of evil and the presence of darkness all around us. We are meant to be light onto the world. So when we attempt to take the L-ght out into the darkness it would seem natural that the darkness would flee before It. However when we go out unprepared or for our own glory we often find that the darkness is ready to fight back. 

But there is a way to find our way back to the L-ght without showing our backs to the enemy. There is a way off the battle field.

The immature dog will give a call that he has cornered his prey when he has not. The trained hunter will not respond till the dog has completed his job however. There is a difference in our tone when we are out doing the task G-d has given us and when we are simply pretending. Yet when the dog gives out a call for help, when the dog finally admits that he isn't able to fight the beast he has encountered, the M-ster always comes running. 

Once engaged the enemy will not relent. It is a merciless foe that knows our weaknesses and exploits them at every opportunity. The amazing part is just how long we are willing to fight these attacks all by ourselves before we are finally pushed to the point where we simply surrender. 

Some hunting dogs will give the call for help sooner than others. Some will come face to face with the meanest lion and still not back down. And tragically, some will never call for help.

All we have to do when we find ourselves here is fall down and surrender. Not to our enemy. Not the evil we have encountered. But to the Creat-r of life, the M-ster that sent us out to the field to work. We simply have to be prepared to admit when we are out matched and especially when we have gone off course. It is in these moments that G-d wants to teach us things we may never have learned without the fight... without the thrill of the hunt. After all, G-d pursues us far more eagerly as we pursue H-m. And He never wants us to be left upon the field alone and cut off. 

The greatest sense of obedience is the willingness to admit that we need H-m. We were always meant to need the warmth of the love our Abba bears for us. Even when the leash feels like it has been dropped, even when the thrill of the hunt has passed, we will always need H-s guidance... H-s mercy... H-s love.