Quantifying Love

Self-worth And Affection

In every relationship you will ever have there will at some point be a sense of bartering between the conscious decision to either love or tolerate the other person. These moments arrive to us through the countless hardships and challenges life brings our way. Some relationships will falter where others will soar. And in those moments we will either decide the value of those relationships by revering their worth or devaluing them within our hearts.

So why do we love others and yet find ourselves in a position where love seems to fail?

For me the question has always been more about why others could ever really love me...

From birth we start out a blank slate. Every idea of what love is and what it will ever mean to us is written upon our souls and upon our flesh from that first breath. Infants who experience love from the womb show that they expect it upon arrival. Their desire to cling to the woman who carried them all those months is evident not only in their helplessness but in their desire for that affection. Separation becomes more agonizing than hunger itself. This is for many the first inclination, despite never registering in our memories, of what love will mean for us.

But what if love was refused to us from those early stages? What if the person we were meant to cling to offered nothing but hatred from the start?

For me that came from my father. One of the few people I came into this world seemingly believing was supposed to offer me love and comfort and yet what I received was absolute abhorrence. Where gentle words could had soothed the pain inflicted by his own hand, I was guided toward a view of myself that lingers to this day.

Life isn't fair.

The fairy tales better fathers would had offered didn't happen for me. The happy ever after was hidden beneath bruises and scars that time itself dared not heal. What view I was given of myself was that of worthlessness and helplessness. Through hedonistic barbarism I was given a standard against which I was to judge myself, and all because at that age I couldn't had known it was wrong.

For others this standard against which we measure ourselves arrives to us in much the same way. Through it may not had been through that exact method, we obtain a view of ourselves by how those we love reflect it upon us. Their every action, every misspoken word, these are the things that build up a chart in our mind that tells us from that point forward just how worthy of love we really are. It doesn't matter that this standard set for us is flawed... it only matters to us because at that moment it is the only one we have got.

Moving forward in life becomes like navigating our way through a battlefield. For me it was one long path of trying to make sure other people, no matter how much I loved them, couldn't hurt me like that again. This was often achieved by simply reminding myself that if the one man who should had loved me from the start couldn't... nobody else ever would.

Over the years this scar claimed relationship after relationship. It's appetite for self-preservation was insatiable. Whenever someone would approach that point that little prick in my side would arise. The scars, the bruises, every drop of blood spilled... All of this came to the surface and the desire to shut down became so pronounced that it could not be denied.

Friends, family; nobody is safe when those defenses come shooting to the surface. The most simple of triggers can cause the walls to rise up so quickly that we assume there was a clean break. Yet on the other side we leave someone dazed and confused as we close our eyes and wish them away.

So what happens when someone doesn't go away?

Within our souls we have measured our own worth. We know what we feel we are worth and how much love we can accept from another. It such a deeply embedded logic, yet so illogically based, that when it is questioned the world seems to near collapse all around us.

When a person decides to push against our walls we become combative. The defenses we cherish are in danger. The attacker is irrational in our view as they somehow cannot see how misguided we believe their advances to be. We see ourselves as the untouchables and yet here is this person trying to reach over our walls and place themselves where only those scars remain.

No matter how guarded we are, no matter how many defenses we have erected, there will be this person who does not allow their love to be so easily refused. They see us in a way that we cannot see ourselves. They look beyond this standard we have for so long compared ourselves to. And in it's place they have drawn a new standard for us that reflects not the scars that have defined us, but rather what we could be... what we should have always been.

If we are lucky, if we can lower our walls just a little, we can feel the warmth of another's love without holding our own hearts in reserve. But for this to happen we must first allow ourselves to release our sense of self worth from the standard someone else has cast for us. We must break our attachment to the pain that has bound us and restricted us. We must allow the love of another to break down our guards and touch the scars we have clung to for so long.

This isn't something that happens over night. The reason for those scars must be addressed and the pain they cause must be released. The wounds that were left upon us by others may never truly heal and the pain may reappear from time to time. But if, and only when, we accept that we are worthy of the love of another... that is when the pain these scars bring can finally be eased. The torment these scars have created can finally be soothed as we allow this love to lift us beyond the prison they have created for us.

"Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other."

Psalm 85:10

A Lion's Prayer

A Personal Prayer

"But they who wait for the L-rd shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Forgive me Abba for my sins,

for the words misspoke,

 for my excesses,

for those things I try so desperately to hide.

Take from me the chains that bind,

that hold me down,

and choke my spirit.

Heal these wounds I have spent so long licking,

the pain that binds my feet and makes me stumble, 

the lies I have told myself for so long, 

this spirit of shame that stifles my soul.

Show me the love that You have professed for me,

not with these eyes made blind by my own doing,

not with this flesh tainted by my own transgressions,

but in the spirit You have placed within me.

Let Your love open these weary eyes,

that they might see this world as You do.

Restore this scar ridden flesh,

so that it might feel Your presence around me.

Awaken this sleeping spirit, HaShem. 

Place my feet upon the path You have laid out before me,

that I might not stray from the way You have anointed with Your commandments.

Blessed are You Ad-ni, 

who has restored onto me a new spirit,

given me the will to fight,

the mind to lead,

and a heart with which to see.

Nisayon

Our Trial By Fire

נִסָּיוֹן

When people think of the mythical phoenix they often only imagine the portion of the story where the magnificent creature spreads its wings and rises from the ashes. This story of rebirth is uplifting and helps us to imagine ourselves as being able to lift ourselves out of the circumstances life brings our way. But what do we get from these stories while we are falling off our pedestals and crashing into the flames below?

Then satan answered the J-hovah, and said, "Does Job revere El-him for nothing?"

~ The Book of Job 1:9

In the midst of a trial (nisayon) we often find ourselves a bit dazed by the experience from which we should be learning. When put to the flame we turn up our own defenses and prepare to bunker down for the duration. Yet throughout the trial of Job there was a remarkable difference in his reaction to the suffering that was poured out upon him. Job didn't turn to his own resources or strength. He didn't simply wait for the trial to pass him by. Job took the opportunity to seek out the L-rd and went to prayer when many would have run away. 

As the unprovoked attacks continued the servant of G-d took to the power of prayer. But why? 

Prayer is an odd thing in our modern world. We think of it in a passive sense. As though we are simply telling G-d what to do and somehow He will listen and grant our wish. It is in this that we approach prayer as a tool to gain what we feel we are entitled to. Yet any blessings we receive are from G-d's grace and not of our own merit. So perhaps this is why we think of prayer as ineffective during times of adversity. 

When we seek G-d during these times we should first realize that we ourselves do not know why we are suffering. We must lean upon G-d for the strength to endure our pain and the understanding so that we might learn from it. That is why we pray during these times. It is with this passion that we seek G-d in our suffering so that He might lead us and guide us. 

Yet man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward. I would seek G-d, and to G-d would I commit my cause.

~ The Book of Job 5:7-8

We are promised that when we seek G-d with all our heart and soul that He will show Himself to us. In our darkest hours His presence can be brought like a burning fire into our lives so that through us He may illuminate the darkness. Yet this can only be achieved if we pray diligently for G-d to work in our lives and to lift us up and restore us. It is with this approach to prayer that we dedicate our purpose in life to the glorification of G-d rather than that of ourselves. 

So why does G-d let us suffer in the first place? Why not just allow us to learn from the joy of His love? 

How often in your life do you think of G-d when things are just consistently good? How often do you truly seek after the L-rd when you have everything you want and are pacified by the numerous blessings He has bestowed upon you? Chances are that you and I don't really seek the L-rd like we should when conditions are at their best. We simply enjoy the blessings that the L-rd has given us and somewhat selfishly become accustomed to them. 

G-d doesn't revoke His blessings to get us to turn back to Him. Though G-d is a jealous G-d, and desires our attention more than we will ever know, He doesn't need to punish us into servitude. This is a cheap excuse we tell ourselves to elude the fact that we need G-d. It is our way of elevating ourselves while diminishing the nature of G-d. 

In reality G-d allows suffering in our lives so that we might learn how to better know H-m. These trails we face in life are meant to draw us closer to H-m in ways that can't always be shown to us through the pleasurable parts of life. Without suffering we would only see one side of G-d. It is through the trials that we get a glimpse at the entirety of G-d's love for us.We learn what it means to love by H-s mercy, H-s grace, H-s compassion. None of which would be made evident to us through simply giving us everything we desire. 

Most importantly, G-d allows pain and suffering in our lives so that we might learn and grow in H-m. If we were spared the trials of life we would never be able to fulfill the great destinies that G-d created us for. Without the nisayon (trial) we would be left ill-equipped for the path that G-d has laid out before us. It is through this trial by fire that G-d makes it possible for us to rise up from the ashes like the majestic phoenix. 

For I know that my Haggo'el (Redeemer) lives, and that He shall stand at the latter day upon the earth.

~ The Book of Job 19:25

If you are going through a trial in your life know that your Haggo'el lives. Know that despite the pain that your G-d loves you with an unending passion. 

From Shalam To Shalom

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."

~Proverbs 10:12

What does it mean for us to actually forgive others? Can we actually forgive someone without putting in real effort? Or can we forgive others without attempting to heal the wounds that they have left upon our hearts? 

With every passing relationship we have we take away more than we put into them. We gather up the lessons we have learned along the way. And with these we gather the scrapes and bruises we collected with every lesson we learned. Its up to us which one of these two that we allow to characterize the relationship we had when it has passed away. 

Then there are the fights that kill the relationship all together. If always seems that we fight dirtiest with those we love. As though the intimacy of our friendships offer some excuse to take off the gloves and really dig in our claws. And when the fighting gets even more bitter we tend to go for the throat. 

So when it is all over, the dust has settled and the battle has ended, how do we restore peace? Where does forgiveness begin for us? How do we get back what was lost? 

In Hebrew the word "shalam" can be translated to "restore" or "to make amends". It is an active process of attempting to right the wrongs we have done others or those committed against us. It means doing more than simply telling ourselves that we forgive others but to actually pursue their forgiveness both in our hearts and their heart as well. 

The process of restoring a relationship is long and difficult. It takes time and effort to mend what has been broken. Our wounds often ache most when we attempt to go back to the reasons they were put there in the first place. But without this effort, without this part of forgiveness, we loose out on the many blessing G-d has given us in the companionship of others. 

To restore something that has been lost we must first admit to ourselves just why it was lost in the first place. We must accept the blame and refuse the easy way out by simply finding the faults in others. Then once we have admitted our own guilt, we must forgive ourselves. It is this step that many overlook because we often never think about it. But a full restoration of a relationship means that all the scars must be addressed. All the baggage must be handed over to the L-rd so that He can remove it from our souls. 

It is only after we have given up our own attachments to past wounds that we can seek the forgiveness of others. 

The part of restoration that most of us stop is the part of forgiving those who have wronged us. We come up with endless reasons to keep those who have hurt us at arms length. Either they don't deserve it or they haven't "earned it". But no matter what the reason there is a lack of peace (shalom) between us due to the lack of restoration (shalam).

When we come across people who we have not truly forgiven there is the constant bristling of hairs and showing of teeth. Even at its tamest, the sense that a battle is about to break out is always present. Even when we don't realize it ourselves, the people we surround ourselves with notice it every time.

So how does one "earn" our forgiveness? And should they have to?

When we seek G-d we often find ourselves falling short of H-s commandments. The first thing we do is ask for forgiveness. At other times we might even find ways to attempt to earn the L-rd's favor in hopes that it will cover up our sins. Yet G-d tells us from the beginning that He will never leave us or forsake us. He readily seeks after us like a parent would for their lost children. And like children, there is nothing we can do to earn that love.

The L-rd shows us the greatest example of love by readily forgiving our sins. We have nothing that G-d wants from us other than our love. For this He reason the L-rd seeks to restore us to H-m. He removes from us the sins that separate us from H-s presence. Thus G-d shows us the true example of what it means to forgive and restore our relationships.

We do not earn forgiveness. Therefore we cannot expect others to earn ours. We must show the love that G-d has shown us by readily perusing the level of intimacy we had with one another before the wounds were inflicted. By doing this we allow G-d to heal the scars and restore the blessing of a friendship between us.

We can only have peace through G-d's love. And as Proverb's tells us, "love covers all offenses."

Defiler Of Dreams

 

"In recent days I have been having a dream that won't go away. At times it returns to me when I'm awake. I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds like I should be taking some pills to calm my nerves. But I decided to share it anyway.

All it is really is a dark landscape. There isn't anything on it and there isn't really any source of light to be seen. But I know it is expansive and goes as far as I can see... even though I can't see much of it. And that is how it starts...

I just stand there. I feel my body sweat. I feel my gut tense up inside me as if I'm ready to fight. But I just stand there looking out over the darkness. I'm terrified, nervous, but most of all... angry.

Then it all changes.

I hear a scream. A limb goes up somewhere in the distance. I see a hand reach up toward the blackened sky. The scream hurts my ears... it hearts my heart.

A figure rushes out of nowhere and stops right next to the hand. It peers down at the screaming figure on the ground. I can't see faces, I can't make out who is who. But in my soul I know what is about to happen. And that is when I start to yell, but nothing comes out. I want to fight. I want to pick up my weapon and rush out to the field. I want to go to war.

Then just as I feel a word, a sound, rise up in my throat the standing figure moves its arm. Pointing at the hand, the figure pauses. Everything gets really loud. Then there is a bang. Silence.

That is how the dream goes. Over and over again. From one end of the field to the next. Repeating till I wake up.

It isn't like other dreams I have. I can feel it in my bones. I can taste it. I can smell it. And yet I can't change it."

I wrote this down a few nights ago when I tried to stay awake. I knew that same dream was coming back. I could feel my soul ache as the images of that nightmare flashed behind my eyelids with every blink. It is hard to describe just what this dream means to me. Words don't seem to accurately depict the outrage, the anger, the sudden desire to fight that comes with this dream. 

Dreams like this rob me of sleep. I wake up feeling like I have been fighting, as though I have been beaten and tormented for the duration of the night. These dreams bring about the desire to act. They are motivators to fight. 

I know what I am looking at in that dream. I know the meaning it holds to me. And for the most part I know why it motivates me and terrifies me at the same time. 

Yet at the same time I have often wondered just why G-d allows these sorts of dreams to occur. And when they are persistent interruptions of our sleep, why allow that kind of deprivation? Are our dreams not supposed to be a sacred part of our rest, our peace? Or are they just another battlefield upon which we are made to fight whether we like it or not? 

I don't pretend to know the answers to these things. I don't have any advice really. All I know is that for me personally those hours of rest are precious to me. They are supposed to be separate from all the hardships of life. Or at least when I was young that was the way I saw it. 

All I know is that over the years of engaging the enemy I feel like I have aged far quicker than I would have ever liked. At times I wonder where my innocence was lost. At what point did my heart first break? 

And if it continues to break over and over again does that mean innocence was never truly lost at all? 

The only thing I can leave you with is this...

If you have these sorts of dreams, if you have these sorts of battles, take comfort in the fact that the enemy only attacks those it fears. The stronger the offensive, the more the enemy fears your potential. The longer the night, the worse the enemy fears the path G-d has set you upon. These are deterrents for the weaker hearted warriors. They are meant to set us back on the defense in the moments before we are meant to be taking to the offense. And at the same time, G-d shows us these things, allows these things, so that we are prepared for what the enemy lays out before us. 

We fight an enemy that arrogantly underestimates us. They think we are weak and worthless. They act as though we can be counted out before the fight is ever begun. Yet we are their enemy, and thus we merit their hatred. Even those of us who have not yet begun to fight are targets. 

"He makes His messengers winds, His ministers a flaming fire."

Psalm 104:4

Life On The Offense

The L-rd will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. 

~ Deuteronomy 28:7

No army in all of history has ever won a war or battle by playing it safe. They never tell their leaders to just stay on the defense, to hold their ground for the duration of the war. The goal of battle is to crush your opponent. To be successful the bravery of the soldiers must be tested on the offense. The motivation that drives them must be hardened when brought under fire. And the courage of the individual must be tested against the zeal that can only be found when routing an enemy. 

For the faithful this is a test that we only dream of while we go about our daily lives. We stay within the boundaries the enemy has laid out for us. The defenses the enemy brings up to corral us into a place of starvation hinder our thirst for battle. Fear, self-doubt, and apathy keep us with our heels dug into the ground while we pretend to be bold. But G-d did not make us to simply hold our ground. 

When we have grown in our faith we are designed to seek out the enemy. When we are strong, when we are as lions, we were made to pursue the wicked. Our fangs were never met to be hid from the eyes of the enemy. Our claws were not meant to dig into the ground but rather were designed to bring down our foes. We were made to live our lives on the offense. 

It is in this that we find the strength of Ad-nai. It is the struggle that we find our purpose in life. Through the scars, the wounds, and the pain we endure we find the lessons that J-hovah has prepared for us. None of which will we learn as long as we stay idle in the face of an ever more depraved enemy. 

So what keeps us locked in place? 

Fear

Fear is a wonderful motivator. In Hebraic tradition we are commanded by G-d to fear H-m. It is a complex concept in our modern world. It is hard to understand with our ideas of what fear is meant to be and what we feel it actually is.

The fear of the L-rd is that of respect. It is a fear that cultivates both love and reverence for the L-rd who provides for us and guides us. This fear allows us to connect with the principles the L-rd has laid out for us in H-s commandments. It helps remind us when we are going against the way the L-rd has laid out for us. It helps to keep us on the path that G-d has set before us. This is the fear that G-d has commanded of us. 

The difficulty is in the understanding that fear of G-d is not a fear of H-s wrath or anger but rather a fear of being separated from H-m. It is this fear that we often first associate with our parents when we are young. This is the fear we first feel when we find ourselves lost and without help. For most it is that moment when we run ahead of our parents or get lost in a crowd and turn around to find we are all alone. 

It is this same fear that the enemy tries to use against us. Through perversions of the same fear that G-d has instructed of us the enemy is able to put many back on the defense. Thus the fear we were instructed to hold, the only fear we were ever meant to have, is used against us. 

For others there is the fear of being cut off and surrounded. This fear arises often when we have already gone into battle against the enemy time and time again. We are given this fear through experiences from which we may not have learned the lessons G-d tried to show us. All we see is the supposed fact that our fellow faithful comrades dropped back and left us stranded. This is the fear of outrunning our supply lines, of being out gunned and out classed.

They surrounded me like bees; they went out like a fire among thorns; in the name of the L-rd I cut them off! I was pushed hard, so that I was falling, but the L-rd helped me.

~ Psalms 118:12-13

Yet G-d reminds us in Psalms 118:12-13 that wherever we go, not matter how contentious the battle, our S-vior is forever faithful. There is no point in our lives that G-d will ever forsake us or abandon us. It is only the deceiver who whispers these things in our ear. It is the enemy who tells us to give up and surrender our faith. 

It was in our L-rd's infinite wisdom that He instructed us to fear H-m and H-m alone. If we truly fear the L-rd we can fully trust that He will be with us. It is in this that we find our strength to endure. It is the fear of G-d that we find the ability to cast off the fears the enemy lays before us.

Doubt 

When we first are faced with the daunting reality of spiritual battle we can often become overwhelmed with doubts. In moments of adversity we begin to doubt our purpose in this battle. We begin to question why we ever set out to meet the enemy in the first place. It is in these moments that we are told the lie that it would be better to break and run than to endure the battle. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the L-rd, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. 

~Jeremiah 28:11-13

In battle doubt it deadly. It leaves us vulnerable on all flanks. We can neither retreat nor advance when we are overcome with doubt. In this aspect it leaves the combatant paralyzed. It is for this reason the enemy wields this weapon against us so readily. For we face an enemy that does not simply want to push us back and reclaim the ground or win the day, we face an enemy that seeks to destroy us entirely. 

Thus G-d persistently tries to reassure us of H-s faithfulness. In Jeremiah chapter 28 the L-rd boldly tells us that He (and He alone) knows the plans that have been made for us. In H-s love for us He has made a future for us filled with glory. And in H-s ever present grace, the L-rd has given us hope when we feel hopeless. 

The only thing G-d ask of us is that we seek H-m with all our heart and soul. It is through this that we will be able to cast aside our doubts and see the path that He has made for us. Through our dedication to the L-rd we have been given a way to persevere in the face of adversity. We can in this set aside our inadequacies and surrender our self-doubt. For our L-rd goes before us like a raging wind before the storm. 

Apathy 

Faith is much like a plant in many ways. It needs to be replenished by a living water. It must be given the light to grow. And when neglected it slowly dies, wilting leaf by leaf till all that is left is a weak and fragile shell of what once was. For this apathy in faith is much like the autumn... a slow decay of what spring had brought forth. 

When warriors of the L-rd are apathetic they loose their fighting edge. We tend not to realize that we are constantly engaged with a foe that never relents. While we let the decay set in the enemy waits. While our weapons rust and our defenses are cast aside, the enemy waits. It is when the vitality of our faith has decayed till it can be sustained no more that the enemy launches its blitz against the apathetic followers of the L-rd. 

In reality the lack of sustaining our faith comes from the lack of seeking G-d's presence in our lives. In doing this we barely even live a life on the defense but rather set out the battle all together. Without engaging our faith by maintaining our relationship with G-d we cheapen our own purpose in life. 

The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the L-rd lack no good thing. 

~Psalm 34:10

When we refuse to seek the L-rd we find ourselves hungry. Our spirit is filled with want and desire for the L-rd. It is in our very nature that we need G-d in our lives. Thus the root of just why apathy is so fatal to faith. Without G-d's presence, without the source of our lifeblood, we turn to other sources to fill the desperate desire that is left within our souls. 

For this the slow death of apathy takes us off the battlefield and places us in captivity. It chains us to cheap idols and sinful delights that last but for a season. For many it is often only when the pain of a spiritual death finally sets in that they realize just how far they have gone astray. And it is by this point that the enemy reinforces the suffering of apathy with doubt and fear. 

O G-d, you are my G-d; earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh faints for You, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 

~Psalm 63:1

If we are to live our lives on the offense we must first learn to overcome the snares of fear, doubt, and apathy. We must learn to seek our L-rd constantly and to follow where He leads us. We must be bold in our faith and learn to feed off the blessings of G-d. We must quench our thirst with H-s word and stifle our hunger with H-s fellowship. All of which the L-rd has promised H-s faithful if they will simply seek the L-rd with all their heart, mind, and soul. 

For those on the offense...

Let us not be weary for the L-rd our G-d is our strength, our savior, and our redeemer.

My Own Dreams Of My Father

My father has always had a voice that could travel right through the thickest of walls. That low tone could slip through the cracks in those old wood floors no matter how gently he was speaking. Even a groan or sigh as he woke up in the morning would carry right up the stairs and through the door to where I slept. It was one of those timeless things in my memory that no matter how old I get I will never forget. That feeling of waking up and knowing that my dad was still there.

See, the father I grew up wasn't the one I was born with. My biological father, as we learned to refer to him as, discarded me like he did with most everything and anyone. That was a wound that took years to heal. See, the father I grew up with was the one that I heard when I woke up in the morning, the man I heard when I fell asleep at night.

I remember rolling over in bed in the morning and hearing the most beautiful thing in the world. It wasn't the birds outside or the sounds of the world beginning to wake up alongside me. The most beautiful thing I could ever hear was the sound of my father as he woke up the world, my world. Because every morning I would roll over and hear him as he got up and did the most wonderful thing a father could do...

My mornings began with listening in on my father's prayers. I would listen to him pray for everyone in the world it seemed. Yet I was only awake for one reason. It wasn't the fact that his voice was so strong that I could imagine it rattling the windows and shaking the floor itself. No, I was waiting. I was waiting to hear my father's voice as he prayed over me.

There was such a passion in his voice. I could hear his soul in those words as he prayed over me with the start of every morning. I could feel his love through the sound of his voice. And for a boy who had experienced the rejection of a person who was supposed to love me no matter what; that was heaven on earth. It was in those moments I knew I had a father. I knew that my father was praying for me to my Abba... my G-d.

Now that I'm grown and on my own I still roll over in the morning and dream of hearing my father lifting me up in his prayers. The sound of my father's voice still wakes me up. No matter how far away, no matter where I have gone or where I'm going, my father's prayers still echo in my ears. That love, the love that healed my childhood wounds, it still lives in my heart to this very day.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 22:6

My father may not have known that I was listening to those words in the early morning hours. He may have not known that in his devotion he was showing me how I should live. His compassion, his empathy, his love for others; all of these things he was sowing in my heart and soul. His faith was being passed along. And though both of us have had our battles to hold onto our faith, the resolve that he was showing in those moments of dedication was passed down along with his words. 

In the smallest of moments, in the times when we think we are alone, we are often affecting the lives of others in ways we will never know. My father's morning prayers were those small moments that turned into most momentous of times in my life. And though they were done in the hours just before the light of day, those prayers ushered out the darkness of night in my young life. Those words set me on the path that has carried me to this day. 

In Proverbs G-d shows us that we are to train up our children in H-s way. This means that even in those times when we don't think we are being watched, listened to, or looked up at... we are meant to take these small and fleeting moments to continue that training. It is in these moments that we can either be a hindrance or a blessing. And no matter which one we choose the results will be without measure. The affect we have on the future is after all recorded by the lives our children and their children carry forth long after we ourselves are long gone.